Sugar. What's with all the hype?
Sure, it's white and can glisten like diamonds. But, I am not able to eat sugar.
I am allergic to sugar.
You are? You ask, eyes wide as saucers as if you have never met a freak like me allergic to the crystals and diamonds of sweet bliss...
Yeah. I shrug. It makes me fat.
It also makes me moody, get hungry, leaves me wanting more, makes my teeth fury, skin bumpy and mind fuzzy.
In my mind, I call it rat poison. It helps redirect me.
I also find myself wanting to call Miracle Whip something entirely different too, like, Flavored Fat in a Jar or Honky Fat Spread. Really, there is nothing very miraculous about Miracle Whip except it is a miracle that with little to no nutritional value, we still tend to eat it despite it's large amounts of cholesterol and fat grams - and lack of flavor.
Another strange fat substance in a jar is peanut butter. Now don't think I am going to dis peanut butter ok... I wouldn't do that. Peter Pan, Skippy and Jif, well, they never disappoint me. And, you could say I love them. But, why are they all named after men? And, why are they all named after not-so-manly men? Why not Brutus? I mean, I know peanut butter is a little nutty, but it is still packed with protein and although it has hints of sweet and creamy, soft deliciousness and yumminess, it is also hearty and robust. It adds a macho punch and crunch to whatever you put it on.
Weird. I just realized, that my favorite sandwich is a peanut butter, tomato and mayo sandwich. Ever tried it?