Monday, June 23, 2008

The Need to Connect

I am feeling very lonely these days. It has been one year and two weeks since we have moved to this small  midwestern town. When we first moved here, I was getting a lot of attention because I was the new kid in town. People were curious and very outreaching towards my family and me. I fooled myself in thinking that this was just a friendly community and I was hopeful to the new lifestyle of being a stay home mom in a small town where the only fast food restaurant is an antiquated Dairy Queen that closes before dark. I joined a play group and reveled in meeting all the new moms. Everyone was smiling and bubbly. From where I came from, people forgot how to say hello and good bye in ordinary daily life. But, here, in Laketown, the moms in the playgroup actually said a warm farewell to each individual as they left. That impressed me. I was starry-eyed at the possibilities of new friendships and play dates ahead. 

Why then do I feel so lonely? I have tried and failed at starting new play groups, coordinating lady-night-outs and meals for new moms. I am disjointed in this social arena. I am no longer a novelty in this quaint Laketown. Laketown is no longer a novelty to me.

Friday, June 20, 2008


I am a mother who feels like a failure most of the time. In the past year, I have endured many stressors:
- My mother passed away. My step father has mistreated her will and left me with little to nothing.
- My oldest daughter has been given 5 diagnoses from 5 different professionals. They include: Autism Spectrum Disorder (PDD-NOS), ADHD, Bipolar Mood Disorders and Sensory Integration. One doctor reported that she did not have any disorders except a mother who needed parenting counseling.
- My youngest daughter, age 2 is receiving special services from the state because of her sensory challenges. 
- I left a high paying career in the city to move to a rural midwestern town near my in-laws.
- I gave up my business that I created over 8 years ago because of burn out and little to no bereavement period.
More on how I deal with these issues on future posts...