Thursday, August 28, 2008

Facelift and Poser Poster

So, I told you I would be provocative and honest in this blog. And, since, the true me is superficial in the flesh, I thought it was only a matter of time until the true superficial "me" would reflect itself onto my blog.

Although I write from the true pains and turmoil of my heart, I still on the outside appear to be smiling. I want so much for others to be attracted to me and want to like me. So, I say hello, I smile, I shower, of course. I just don't know where to draw the line from being myself to trying to be what others want me to be.

And, here I sit, a newbie in the blogosphere. Still wanting others to be attracted to my blog. I found myself even 'dropping' by to smile and say hello in hopes they might come over to my blog and like me too. I even spent a lot of time and energy redesigning my Entrecard and banner to my blog. And, just like me in the flesh, my body and my blog are a work in progress. Neither will ever look as perfect as I'd dream them to, no matter how much I work at them!

My therapist says that I need to work on not worrying what others think of me. He explains to me that there is a spectrum of people. There are those who on one side live and make every decision solely based on what others may think. He nods to me, "And that's you. You are on this side of the spectrum." Then, he continues, "There are others who don't care what people think. They are rude and insensitive. They even give up their rights as parents because they don't care about what anyone thinks."

Why do I care what others think of me so much?

I do know that all that caring and worrying is wasted energy. I come home tired after being around people. If our kids are loud in public, I feel badly for the parents who look stressed from the noises - even if it was during a birthday party and the hostess gave my kids noise-makers. Come on! If your kids can't make noises with noise makers at a birthday party, when can they? If there is a new person in town and I don't reach out the her and put on my friendly welcome mat-like smile, then I feel bad for them. I feel like I should bring them homemade cookies and ask them questions about themselves. I am so made to do that. How can I change that? Why can't I just not care? I need to be more towards the rude and insensitive side of the spectrum, I suppose.

God, please help me to not care! Huh?

As I sign off for now, I leave you with this quote from the famous Popeye:
I am who I yam and that's all I yam. I even eat spinach ONLY when people are watching me so I can 'look' like I am a healthy eater. I really don't even like spinach. I am such a poser!


Tess said...

I'm kindof in the middle of that way. Im not as bad as I used to be, but I've based my blog's worth on how many readers and thats not good!

Caroline said...

For what its worth, I think this post is right on target, very well written and so relateable by many many bloggers. I get you! Oh and nice to "meet" you! :)

Helene said...

You know, I love your honesty in this post!! So many of us are like this, including me!! I wish I could NOT care so much about making an impression with people and I wish I wasn't so darn sensitive about everything!!

Great post!!!

Margaret Cloud said...

It is nice to read a true blog about ones self, you tell it like it is for you. The caring what others think is really a fact of life because most of us fall into this catagory. I think you will be okay and believe it or not your therapist is right.