Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sunday Scribbling: Invitation

When I hear about someone having a birthday party I can't help but wonder why my daughter didn't get an invitation. It is always an awkward conversation too. It is like my friend will mention something that happened at the party assuming that we knew about the party and then once she sees the look of surprise on my face she'll try to change the subject. I try to act all nonchalant but inside it nags at me. It's not like it has only happened once or twice. She is in the first grade and I know of at least four instances where Sienna was not included to a play date or party of some sort.

What is wrong with you people? Do you think that my daughter is too hyper and she will be disruptive? Are you worried that she is contagious? Don't our kids connect? Does your child not like my daughter? Do the parents not like me?

But the most bitter thought I have is: Does my daughter know and does she care?

Because, if she doesn't care, then that means that she is oblivious to the social scene. Part of that notion is OK, but part of that is a problem because it is like she doesn't connect, or attach to friendships. I know she is lonely.

So, if she does care and she knows about the party her other classmates were invited to but she was not, then how do I explain that to her when I don't even understand?

Sure, I can pretend it doesn't matter and try to redirect her. But she is very intelligent and she will see right through me.

Her birthday is coming soon. Last year, she invited her entire class plus other kids too. We had a pony rides in our back yard. Maybe I went overboard. Maybe that is why the kids don't invite her because they think we are show-offs. I don't know.

I do know this. I want my daughter to know that she is loved and welcomed. I want her to feel like she is part of a group other than her own family. I want her to have sleep overs and send notes to her girlfriends between classes. I want her to get invitations to parties and play dates. I want her to enjoy her childhood.


Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Give it time; she's only in first grade.

I've always told my kids when they've asked about invites they didn't get that the parents have their own set of rules they have to work with: the number of kids, the cost involved. That sort of thing. It's not personal (although I, too, often wonder if it has to do more with me than with my kids) and that my kids should focus on being the best friends they can be. Parties come and go, but friends stick around.

Hang in there. (btw, I'm a scribbler, too, as well as an EC friend. Come on by!)

Angela Moore said...

I tend to go overboard on my kids' parties too, but it's a celebration and I want everyone to enjoy themselves. I completely understand that part.

By the way, I've given you a blogging award. You can see it here:

*Becky* said...

You are hitting every heartstring I have today lady :)

I put you on the spotlight on my blog btw, hope thats okay :)

susan said...

I can only imagine how you feel. Not to diminish how you feel but with one grown daughter, I can say kids are resilient. Know parent wants their kids to hurt, but we can take some comfort in knowing our kids can still grow up to be happy and loving in spite of some of the pangs of childhood.

SweetTalkingGuy said...

I feel for you, I hope that things can only get better for you and your daughter.

hellokittiemama said...

oh wow, could have written this. This happens to my son all the time. His bday happens to be before the holidays - but close to them and I tend to go pretty 'overboard' (yeah whatever) for his bday because the kid deserves it. He is a good kid. We have had years where we've invited tons and only had few attend and then years where we've invited many and everyone came. Then those same ones who came didn't extend invitations to my son. Or where the ones that did invite my son and my son attended - couldn't be bothered to even RSVP to let me know if they could make it. It drives me nuts. I just want the kid to have friends and to have a happy childhood with lots of happy memories instead of being by himself so much. Years later (he is 7 going 8 now) he IS establishing some friendships and I can pretty much tell who has their heart in the right place. This year we are doing something small and just inviting those kids.

Nita Jo said...

That is so hard to deal with as a mom. We just can't make everything perfect, but I don't think we're meant to. As long as your daughter knows she is loved at home, she has that to lean on. It will help get her through the hurtful times. It doesn't make it any easier for us though...

Tammy Warren said...

I know my blog always speaks of positives about my children. Every now and then you will see me post about Dylan. He is OCD. I do not play that up because I feel he can truly get over this. I am alone many times in that he is not invited to everything. My first son, Mitchell...well he is the King of the Crop. He has friends, no worries and no struggles. This is so difficult. I often talk to the older son about how and why people treat others, such as his brother, with such non respect. I was so shocked at his answer. He blamed a a great deal on what parents are saying to their children about other children. I was taken back with this answer. How dare they...? I had never done that. I asked him to explain. He just said when I child mentions that another child has any problems...then they basically cut them off at the knee. Not all, I am sure. That is tough. I did decide to get involved with the room, PTA, etc. I am determined to not "buy" my friends, but I want to know what my child parents are like. I had rather Dylan have a handful of friends that have those that might hurt him later on. He is my special needs child. I know he is different. I just need to help him through life a little more. I know he does hurt..and I know he has to question what is wrong with me. I guess we will share this journey together. I am so happy you wrote about this.