Monday, September 22, 2008

Invitation Part II

Yesterday after church Sienna and I were cleaning up after lunch. I asked her if she got to talk to her friend Alice at church. Alice is a tiny little sweetie, quiet and tender hearted and every time I see Alice I can tell that Sienna and Alice have a special friendship. I don't know too much about Alice because Sienna doesn't say much about her.

I usually will try to ask Sienna about her day by asking things like, "Who did you sit by at lunch?" or "Who did you play with at recess today." And, I know they are friends because she usually replies with either, "Alice" or "no one." I have tried to invite Alice over for a play date but her mother seemed over protective. I thought perhaps it was because I asked too early last year while the girls were in Kindergarten. Alice was a no-show for Sienna's pony party last year too.

Yesterday, I saw Alice walk in the church with her mommy and as she looked over at Sienna, her eyes danced and she smiled and tried to wave but she was still holding her mom's hand. I could tell that brief engagement soothed Sienna's nerves if only for a minute while we were newbies in a new church on a new morning of new routines for Sienna. So, after lunch yesterday Sienna was telling me that Alice talks about her mom a lot. I tried to pry a bit, "Is her mom nice?"

Sienna tried brushing this conversation off. But, for the first time I got her to start talking and I was NOT going to back down! "Does Alice not like her mommy?"

Sienna shrugged, "No, her mom doesn't like me."

My eyes widened. I tried to maintain my coolness as Sienna can pick up on any of my excitement or anger and she easily shuts down so I froze while she continued. "She thinks I am mean to Alice. That is why Alice can never come over to a play date or my party." Then, she pretended it didn't bother her and ran off to make homemade parachutes for her Pet Shoppes toys.

I on the other hand felt the weight fall on my head like I was in a Road Runner cartoon. My eyes turned into number signs and smoke came out of my ears.

How dare that mom not allow our girls to be friends. Can't she just give them a chance? Alice is the only girl that I have noticed that really loves and accepts my daughter. I am sure that Sienna has shown her true colors and has probably gotten easily angered towards Alice but Sienna also has a plethora of gifts and she can be warm and kind. If Alice's mom understood what our struggles were I wonder if she would work with us. Should I call her mom and try to set up something organized? Should I say by-gones and let time take it's course.

Deep breath. One day at a time.


Nita Jo said...

Maybe a note expressing how much Sienna likes Alice and outlining the difficulties so the other mom might understand. Some parents are overprotective and it may not work, but it's worth a try.

Also, maybe the ice can be broken by having Sienna at church activities, parties, etc. as part of a group. Try to keep your frustration hidden from this lady, as it may put an additional excuse for her to avoid letting the girls spend time together.

You said it best, "Deep breath. One day at a time."

My Autism Insights said...

I think that she probably has no idea about Sienna's struggles and if she did there's a good chance she would work with you. Maybe approach her and ask about playdate supervised by both parents and then see what happens. You won't know unless you try. I hope it works out for you.

Tammy Warren said...

Wow...I am a little behind on this story. I started with the post below and commented. Now for this one. You need to take the time to talk with this parent. Not is a defensive tone. You need to explain your situation and the fact that your child does love hers. If she is a "good" person...she will see the true picture. If she does not...well, then this family/friend might not be the best for your daughter over the long run. I know it hurts. Please keep hanging on.

Nina said...

I would talk with her and try to arrange some type of play date. Do something public where her mom can come also and you can chat with her and watch the girls play. That is a tough one and I hope for Sienna's sake it all works out. Kids need friends and friends will still fight but at the end of the day they are still friends.