Wednesday, October 1, 2008

God Put a Song in My Heart for My Children

When I was pregnant with Sienna, I can remember a song would come up in my head all the time. "Trust in the Lord," or "Proverbs 3" was a song that Six Pence None the Richer released around the time I had first started to call myself a Christian. Several years later, it was a song that started to play in my heart and mind whenever I was nervous or anxious about my pregnancy. That was an important song to me at the time because I was eight months pregnant, working from my office on the 73rd floor of the Sears Tower during 9/11.

"Trust in the Lord, with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will carry you through. Lord, sometimes it gets so tough to keep my eyes on you when things are going rough. But then I lift my eyes up to the skies and I hear your voice. It says to me: Trust in the Lord, with all of your heart..."
This was the same melody my soul clanged onto during the 28 hours of labor and it was the truth I was reminded of when Sienna was taken into NICU right after delivery when the cord was wrapped around her neck and she turned blue. We didn't get to see her for several hours following delivery and we had no idea what was going on.

This is also the song that keeps ringing in my soul throughout the past six years raising a daughter on the autism spectrum with all of her unpredictable mood swings and other special needs. There are many moments that I have no idea how to parent her correctly. I don't know how to soothe her like she needs because she won't allow me to touch her, hold her, hug her or rock her to sleep. "He will carry you through..."

Since school has started earlier this fall, I have seen her stress levels sky rocket and today was one of her most stressful home-from-school-tantrums I have seen! From 3:00 until bed time, her moods were more unpredictable than the DOW Jones. She growled at me throughout the evening, scratched her sister in the bath tub and cried caustically as she banged her head on the wall or slapped herself in the face.

Miraculously, I was able to get the both girls down to bed. As I was tucking Sarah in, I sang to her the love song that God put in my heart for her ever since she was in the womb. That song is from Psalm 51 and it is a hymnal called, "Create in Me a Clean Heart." She is only two years old so I am not really sure why that song was selected for Sarah but I do know that God has branded that one on my heart just for her.

I then ventured to Sienna's bedroom. I knelt at her bed side. I softly touched her forehead and caressed her bangs ever so gently. I whispered, "Have I ever told you about the song God put in my heart when he created you?" She looked so sad but at this very moment, sighed a breath of redemption and held her tears back. I explained how much the song had helped me when I was scared or anxious or stressed when I was pregnant, "Whenever things get rough or tough, I pray this song in my heart and soul." I sang it to her and she smiled at me, softly and peacefully. We connected, both with one another and together with God.


hellokittiemama said...

oh wow, thanks for sharing this. You have the ability to give me goosebumps.

Make it a great day,


Helene said...

Beautiful post!! It sounds like it was a really wonderful way to connect with Sienna after a particularly rough day. And you know, it's something she'll carry forward into her adulthood and always look back on as a happy memory.