Thank you for your legacy.
Your legacy that allowed you to make all the choices that you want and not suffer the consequences. The road frequently traveled, the easy path that cushioned your feet. No blisters, no heavy breathing. Never knowing what it is like going without.
No morals, no self control, no conflict resolution. And you continue on your own path. Remaining comfortable, fat and full yet so unfulfilled.
There you sit on your Lazyboy. Which came first, the laziness or the chair? Your soul missing like the remote control you can't seem to find.
Grass is greener on the other side. Why not trek over to it? Leave behind what ever you don't want, what ever you can't care for any longer. Pass along your debt, your inequities, your legacy to me. Let me, your child care for you when you age. Let me, your child, your first born be left with nothing as you start over with your new life and your new wife. Allow me, at two years of age care for your first wife. The wife you first chose, then chose to leave. Your wife, already born with mental illness now and forever broken from divorce. Heart severed forever until it stops living. Let that what is united by God not be destroyed by man. Unless the man her heart once had become one with leaves. Unless that man once made child with leaves. Unless that man, once a man was never really a man just a victim and coward.
And you are a byproduct of your society. Cultivated by the greed and the darkness of your time. Your time of free love and Howdy Doody time. All trickery, a mere facade of brokenness and destruction. Broken intimacy broken dreams. Destroyed by the lack of care of others. Mixed cocktails swirl around like a chirping bird to quiet the soul but do not drown out the cries for help.
Who are you now? What are you feeding on? What is your legacy?
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6 comments:
Very powerful writing.
Oh my goodness...this has broken my heart even more than I can stand.
Cathartic, I trust, I pray.
Brilliant writing. Your post hit home to me on my levels.
My father is special, its true. However, if my own daughter wrote about her father it would be very similar to your story. I do not know how it comes to be and why some people are more narcissistic than others and totally missing the morality and empathy chip. I often think about this damage and how it gets passed down the line.
It all happens because of abusing or overindulging children in the early childhood years I believe. They grow up with no sense of responsibility or empathy for others. They are used to getting what they want. They cannot be fixed no matter how much we wish for that.
Maybe he has left you the best legacy he could ever leave. You know dysfunction when you see it. You know what makes a child hurt. You know what a child needs to feel loved. You really SEE the reality of the situation. I feel your pain because I know my daughter feels that too.
Sometimes, there are no answers, no closure that would ever bring a conclusion. Sometimes just throwing your hands up and accepting things is the only way to peace. You cannot control the past any more than the future. I have had to learn these lessons in a hard painful way. Life is a roller coaster and you may be surprised how many may wish for what you have too. I listen and I understand. I also know its real and how betrayal is so hurtful. You so need to keep writing though. It really is so accomplished. You are also so accomplished. And at the end of the day its you that has to put your arms around you and squeeze hard. Somehow I think you are so worth it and you know you have three people in your life that think the same. Good on you for sharing and writing.
Seriously friends, this was creative writing... not 100% reality. Or, maybe I am in denial and it's trying to come out... I don't think I am this dark, or maybe I am. Just one day at a time. Learning more and more about "me-self."
Thanks followers. You're my homeys!
:)
Juggernaut with a capital J
Hey...what is in that cup? I think I need it.
Thank you for the kind comment. I decided to be a cricket and venture out now that it was after dark. Ha.
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