The Songwriter in Me

Lately I have been moved to write in a style of poetry form on my blogs. Not sure why. Today, I was reminded of a song that made up several years ago. The melody and the words to this song came to me instantly. This happened while I was driving, about six months before I became a born again Christian.



So, here ya go... This is how I picture it: I imagine me, sitting on a bar stool, looking hot in a cow girl hat, long golden hair, tight, skinny Levis - kindof like Sheryl Crow, but only more blonde. Skin vibrant, sun kissed. Playing the guitar and singing to a large bar crowd. (Note: I do not play the guitar or perform or wear skinny jeans or have sun kissed skin - just a vision, my vision - of me - sort of humorous actually! No, very humorous!!!)

I say to the crowd in the mic as I clear my throat, "Here's a little song that came to me when I was driving one day..." And then, I start to sing, in a raspy Janis Joplin voice:

I'm on a lonely road
Ain't got no one to hold me.
No one to share this beautiful scenery with.
I ain't complainin'. I'm just hoping, even prayin', contemplatin'.

I've been through busy cities
Drove by empty fields
Over hills and a-round the bends and
I ain't complainin' I ain't complainin Lord but when will this road
Lonely lonely road, when will this road ever end?

I've seen the truckers truckin,
And the hitchhikers hitchin'
Road workers workin
I'm so tired of flirtin'
Oh won't you tell me, Lord won't you tell me-
When will this road, lonely lonely road,
When will this road ever end?

(Tee hee hee. Husband reading this post as I type. He's totally laughing at me. And, he's heard me sing this song so many times, he has it memorized! I think he might be turned on a little... "No, honey? You're not?")
DO NOT COPY THIS. YOU CAN CALL ME AND WE CAN TALK RECORD DEAL, OK?! SERIOUSLY. I KNOW A LOT OF IP ATTORNEYS. HANDS OFF.

God Put a Song in My Heart for My Children

When I was pregnant with Sienna, I can remember a song would come up in my head all the time. "Trust in the Lord," or "Proverbs 3" was a song that Six Pence None the Richer released around the time I had first started to call myself a Christian. Several years later, it was a song that started to play in my heart and mind whenever I was nervous or anxious about my pregnancy. That was an important song to me at the time because I was eight months pregnant, working from my office on the 73rd floor of the Sears Tower during 9/11.

"Trust in the Lord, with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will carry you through. Lord, sometimes it gets so tough to keep my eyes on you when things are going rough. But then I lift my eyes up to the skies and I hear your voice. It says to me: Trust in the Lord, with all of your heart..."

This was the same melody my soul clanged onto during the 28 hours of labor and it was the truth I was reminded of when Sienna was taken into NICU right after delivery when the cord was wrapped around her neck and she turned blue. We didn't get to see her for several hours following delivery and we had no idea what was going on.

This is also the song that keeps ringing in my soul throughout the past six years raising a daughter on the autism spectrum with all of her unpredictable mood swings and other special needs. There are many moments that I have no idea how to parent her correctly. I don't know how to soothe her like she needs because she won't allow me to touch her, hold her, hug her or rock her to sleep. "He will carry you through..."

Since school has started earlier this fall, I have seen her stress levels sky rocket and today was one of her most stressful home-from-school-tantrums I have seen! From 3:00 until bed time, her moods were more unpredictable than the DOW Jones. She growled at me throughout the evening, scratched her sister in the bath tub and cried caustically as she banged her head on the wall or slapped herself in the face.

Miraculously, I was able to get the both girls down to bed. As I was tucking Sarah in, I sang to her the love song that God put in my heart for her ever since she was in the womb. That song is from Psalm 51 and it is a hymnal called, "Create in Me a Clean Heart." She is only two years old so I am not really sure why that song was selected for Sarah but I do know that God has branded that one on my heart just for her.

I then ventured to Sienna's bedroom. I knelt at her bed side. I softly touched her forehead and caressed her bangs ever so gently. I whispered, "Have I ever told you about the song God put in my heart when he created you?" She looked so sad but at this very moment, sighed a breath of redemption and held her tears back. I explained how much the song had helped me when I was scared or anxious or stressed when I was pregnant, "Whenever things get rough or tough, I pray this song in my heart and soul." I sang it to her and she smiled at me, softly and peacefully. We connected, both with one another and together with God.