ADHD Support

WANTED: Mothering Advice for Raising My Child with ADHD


I have a lot of mixed emotions lately about my parenting skills. I have a daughter, age 7. She has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS which is on the autism spectrum. I have done a lot of research, read a lot of books and been involved with a lot of support groups on this matter. During her last assessment, the doctor advised me to not focus on the PDD-NOS as much anymore because she wasn't exhibiting the problems that tend to follow that disorder as much as she was with the ADHD and Mood Disorders. She suggested that I get more informed on those subjects. That appointment was about 8 months ago and I haven't really done much since then as I am still trying to sort it all out!

Lately, I have been feeling very confused about being a mom. I don't feel like I got the memo that was passed out, or maybe my What to Expect books didn't come with the right chapters. I see other moms who seem so natural at raising their children. I am very hard on myself because I am educated, empathetic and feel like I have tried and given so much to my family. Yet, as much as I give, nothing seems to satisfy my family's needs.

It was during this past weekend, our pediatrician advised that we increase my daughter's medication dosage. So, we did. I am also on the same medication and need an increased dosage. We both started the medication, Vyvanse last fall. We were prescribed the lowest dosage for our weight. When we first started on it, we noticed results. But, after about three months, I realize that we need more. I hope this isn't an ongoing tolerance issue to a prescription drug, but that isn't the point of my post here, so allow me to get back on topic... Also, I have learned recently that I have also struggled with ADHD my entire life, yet it wasn't until recently in discovering my daughter's deficits that I also had ADHD. Another post for another day!

Last night, after realizing how exhausted I was from the multiple prompts that were needed to get my daughter to do a simple task like brush her teeth or get out of the tub, I realized that I needed some help. at her. Now, if you have been reading my blog, you know that I have been working oI am thinking of looking into a parent support group for ADHD or something like that.

I have talked with my daughter and have told her that we need to work together to come up with ways for her to listen and obey me so that I don't have to yell. If you have been reading my blog, you will know that I have been Scream-Free for a few months now. I am proud of myself in this accomplishment. However, I feel like my daughter will only hear me if I scream at her. And, I do NOT want to do that. I want guide her. I want her to flourish.

Can I still guide her without having to yell? Will she be able to flourish and not feel like she is broken or disabled, unable to help herself without the use of medication or being yelled at?

I really am reaching out here. I strive to be a good mommy to her, and to my youngest, who by the way in the midst of being potty trained. Wow! Talk about will power for a mom. I am rewarding her with 3 M&Ms every 30 minutes she keeps her training pants dry... Today is day 7! I will be so proud of her once we accomplish the potty scene. Moreover, I will be proud of myself. I need something to make me feel accomplished these days. I miss my professional rewards big time. Wow, I really digress. Now, I must go, it appears there has been pee spotted, but, it is NOT in the potty, only on the carpet. Must go...

The Autism Filter: Part I

When I first heard the "A" word, I didn't quite understand it. I wasn't ready for it. I was still blind. From the time Sienna was a baby, I just thought I was a klutz of a mom. I just didn't have a motherly instinct and felt so much rejection from my first born.
The pictures below capture a typical struggle of me wanting to show affection to my daughter. These photos were taken on mother's day.

The day care teachers and directors first started to suggest to me that I get an assessment from a professional. They said that Sienna, "had trouble with transitions and was a little aggressive with care takers and her peers." She threw tantrums a lot, but I just thought we were still in the "terrible twos." She also didn't speak until the age of three and I blamed this on the two non-English speaking nannies that we had when she was an infant. More about the blame of the nannies for a later post...

So, from ages two until five, I started to focus in on what it meant for a toddler to have difficulties with transitions. I started to become more in tuned to the noises and the bright lights and the crowds that were igniting these tantrums. I found a book on the shelf at a Christian book store, "Out of Sync Child." As I read the jacket cover, tears swelled my eyes. I started reading the book with a highlighter and would read excerpts of how it related to us to my husband daily. We both agreed that Sienna was out of sync. But what now?

The school system at this time was so supportive. They spoon-fed me and held my hand. I will never forget the day I had to sign my first IEP that would give permission to let a bus pick up Sienna from the private preschool and take her to the half day of special services for her. It was a short bus. I used to make jokes about riding in a short bus. Now, the curly blonde little girl, the first child born in this generation on all sides of our family, the one who is so stunningly adorable even strangers stopped us in public to tell us she should be a model was now going to be riding the short bus.

One more year until she starts Kindergarten. She really hasn't started her school career yet I thought. I told myself, "No harm done... if these professionals can help her with her tantrums and transition difficulty, then she will be mainstreamed for Kindergarten when all the other kids in the neighborhood start and we can put all this behind us." Whew. And, that was that. Or was it?

More about how Autism changed our view and blurred our vision for our future in future posts...